Low-budget film bargain alert! A site where you can hire washed up hollywood "stars"

So you want to attach a big, recognizable, flashy name from Hollywood to your production?  It might not be as hard as you previously thought, considering that some hollywood "celebrities" are now willing to read your press releases, resumes, personal letters, and anything else you migh want read on video, for $300 bucks.  That's right, for less than what I pay for rent each month, you can summon the utter star power of hollywood's fifth-stringers to really drive your message home.

The website is called "Hollywood is Calling", and aside from video press releases, its star-studded line up of people-who-have-been-in-a-movie-or-TV-show-in-a-somewhat-prominent-role-at-some-point-in-the-past-and-who-you-might-recognize-if-you-happened-to-like-said-movie-or-show-A-LOT can also send phone messages (for 20 bucks!  A steal!) or have live phone conversations with someone of your choosing(for the usual $300).  As the site advertises, you can use this part of the service for valentine's day, mother's day, or if your deadbeat friend needs a pep-talk.  Here's a hillarious sample of resume-reading, courtesy of Newsweek. This particular one features David Ellefson, from the band Megadeth.

 

Other stars at your service:

Joseph Gannascoli -- Was a hit man for Tony in The Sopranos, also starred in Celebrity Fit Club

Pepe Serna -  "Angel" (the guy who gets killed with the chainsaw) in Scarface.

Amber Smith -  L.A. Confidential, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Celebrity Rehab Presents Sex Addiction [she's hot, but unfortunately only does phone appearances].

Also available are some former wrestlers (I recognized Raven! How's him for a nice pep-talk?), boxers (Larry Holmes, world heavyweith champion from 1978-85, defeated Muhammad Ali after he got Parkinson's)  and even former astronauts (Rick Searfoss).

I wonder who would really pay for a phone call and not a video.  A phone conversation from this service, I feel, would probably go something like this:

"Hello, Felipe, this is Pepe Serna calling.  Your mother wants you to know that she's had it with you leaving the toilet seat up and I'm here to tell you that I endorse her messa--"

"I'm sorry, who's this?"

"Pepe Serna."

"Oh, Pepe!  Yea man, how you've been? It's been so long!"  (this is where I pretend to know him anyway because I'm scared that he knows me from who-the-hell-knows and he'll be offended at the realization that we're not best friends.  I know, vain.)

"Since what?  I think you're mistaken man.  I'm Pepe Serna, from Scarface."

"The movie?"

"Yea."

"Ok, this is a joke."

"No, I was the guy who got mawled with the chainsaw.  Haven't you seen it?"

"I've seen it.  It's been a while, though, and I was probably pretty drunk at the time.  So really, I don't know who you are."

"If you want, I'll give you a second to IMDB me, so that the message has more of an impact."

"Nah, I'm good."  *click*

But that's not the point.  Listen, if these people are desperate enough to do this, it can't be that much more expensive to book 'em for your next short.   So go on the site, look up who their agents are, and once you book 'em, your target audience becomes the viewers of Celebrity Rehab.  I should charge for this advice.

Tip brownie points are in order for Felicity, from our glorious Chicago, for this gem.